


Do you see love?

by WannabePrincess



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Feels, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, Sad Ending, Tearjerker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:47:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27741724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WannabePrincess/pseuds/WannabePrincess
Summary: Stiles never grew up.....
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 7
Kudos: 60





	Do you see love?

"I have two buttons," Stiles said in his sweet, low voice, sliding one of the blue buttons on the dining table over to Derek. "You can have one."

"Thanks," Derek muttered monotonously, feeling a little low-spirited. 

It was bad enough that he had to tutor Stiles even in this distressing situation. There wasn't much that people could do when they found out that they had flunked their Mathematics exam.

"Hold it and clutch it in your palm," Stiles murmured, making a demonstration.

Derek sighed. "Like this?" He took the button and fisted it.

Stiles nodded, smiling widely. "Do you like the button?" 

"Yes. Very much," Derek lied. 

He didn't get what the hype about a button was, but he supposed nothing made much sense when it involved Stiles.

  
They had been neighbours for years and they used to play together when they were children. Except that Stiles never grew up even after all those years. 

Not mentally and emotionally at least. Even at the age of 17, he was behaving like a 5-year-old. 

He couldn't be blamed. He didn't ask to be born this way. However, there were instances when he did behave like an adult but they were decidedly scarce.

Derek could probably keep count of the times Stiles had spoken rationally ,in just his right hand.

And Derek had been in love with him forever. Even before he knew about Stiles's devastating malady.

  
"I'm hungry," Stiles mewled and Derek ignored him for a second, crushed by his Maths' score and the thought of his mother's unsparing reaction that was in store for him. 

"Derek," Stiles whined, pouting. 

"Hmm?" 

"Where's your Father?"

Derek lifted his gaze to look up at Stiles in silent judgement. 

_After all these years, Stiles was only bothering to inquire about Derek's father now?_

"He's gone, Stiles."

"Like my mother?" he asked, tilting his head to the side in either confusion or curiosity.

"No. He left me and my mom." Derek answered, frowning. 

"Why?" 

Again, Stiles was like an inquisitive child. He never spoke rationally.

"I don't really know," Derek replied calmly. "Come on. Do your work."

"My mother died after giving birth to me."

"I know," Derek said quickly.

"People say I killed her." 

"Enough. Do your work." 

  
It had apparently been a joke for some people. 

That was how the speculation, the "joke" circulated.   
That Stiles had killed his mother with his stupidity even by birth.   
Not everyone was evil to him. But you know, _it_ _was vexing when you have a child around you at all times, for years to come._

"I'm hungry," Stiles said again, kicking Derek's foot under the table. 

"Shall I get you a cookie or something?"

"Cookie!" Stiles chimed excitedly.

Derek smiled at him and sauntered into the kitchen before returning with the cookie jar. He handed it over to Stiles and the latter happily opened the lid, fishing out two chocolate cookies. 

"Here." He held one out to Derek with his cheeks crimsoning, flushed and shy. 

"It's okay. Thanks." Derek waved him off.

Stiles held the cookie with both hands and took a slow, gentle bite, as though he did not want to hurt the cookie. 

"My friends said I'm stupid." 

Derek scowled. "Who said that?" 

"I don't remember their names." 

Only Stiles wouldn't remember the names of the people he called his ' _friends_ '.

"And why are they your friends if they called you that?!" 

Stiles smiled. "They like me. They always ask me to carry their bags. And they like sharing my food."

"You mean they take your food!" 

"No. I give them. They say thank you." 

"God." Derek slumped back against his seat. 

  
Stiles went to an ordinary school and had repeated the 3rd grade like for the umpteenth time before he was finally allowed to join the 9th graders.

"They are not your friends, Stiles." 

"They are." Stiles frowned and put half of the cookie down. 

"No. Don't carry their bags. Don't give them your food." 

"Then they won't like me."

Derek heaved a sigh and palmed his face. He hated moments like this. Moments when he just wished he could hide Stiles in his pocket and keep him away from the cruel world. 

  
Moments like last week when they went to the town and Stiles was picking pebbles from the ground, singing ' _Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'._ Everyone that strolled by stared and laughed at him.

Or like the other time when Derek caught Stiles's cousin touching Stiles everywhere and Stiles didn't even realize he was being molested.  
When Derek pulled Stiles away from that cousin after giving the other guy a tight slap across his face, Stiles was angry at Derek for hitting his favourite cousin. 

  
"Do you need friends like them?" Derek asked. "You have me, don't you?" 

"Derek doesn't want me." Stiles gave a crooked smile.   
"I am stupid. You are brilliant!" he exclaimed proudly. 

"Yeah, right. brilliant," Derek scoffed. "I failed my Maths today." 

Stiles giggled and reached out to stroke Derek's cheek with his fingers. "Don't cry. We can hit maths!" 

Irrational and silly, but it made Derek smile.

"What are you going to do if I left one day?"

Stiles withdrew his hand and stared at Derek with a puzzled look. "What do you mean?"

"I'll have to go to college soon and won't be able to see you."

"No." Stiles's eyes welled up with tears almost instantly. "Derek won't leave."

"I will, Stiles. So, don't let people bully you. I won't be here to protect you then."

"Will you leave me like your father left you? No, Derek. Nonononononono."

"Shh. I said I'm going to college. Not die." 

A tear rolled down Stiles's cheek. "You will... keep the button, right?" 

"I will." 

"Then name it Stiles. Derek can talk to me then!" He perked back up. 

Derek imagined himself talking to a button. 

"And I'll call this Derek!" He held his own button to his chest.

"No. Keep them." He gave Derek the other button as well. "In case you lose that one. But don't lose it, okay?"

"But then you won't have any." Derek didn't even ask Stiles where he had gotten these buttons from in the first place. 

"It's okay. For Derek, Stiles will give everything!"

"Is that a promise?"

"Yes!" 

Derek grinned, biting his bottom lip.

"Derek," Stiles called. "Will you wash my hair?" 

Derek nodded. He helped Stiles bathe whenever Stiles stayed over, not that Derek wanted to complain about that anyway.  
He actually liked watching Stiles play with the bubbles and every single time, when Stiles tried hard to not to look at his own shaft, it made Derek laugh. 

*What was so strange about looking at their own genitals? Derek never understood. 

"When are you leaving?" Stiles asked. 

"Next year. Don't worry."

"Then give my buttons back."

"What? Why?"

"You will lose them."

"I won't." Derek rolled his eyes. "Have some faith in me for god’s sake."

"Yes, you will. Give them back!" 

He sounded angry then and Derek quickly returned the buttons.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
"Close your eyes." 

"Mmph." 

Stiles clenched his eyes shut as Derek rinsed Stiles's shampooed hair. 

"It's in my mouth."

"Then close your mouth." 

"Mmph." 

Customarily, a teenager of Derek's age would have felt vexed, or at least weirded out, about cleaning another teenager but Derek somehow found it fun, even stress-relieving.   
And Stiles loved bathing in Derek's bathroom because there was a tub. 

  
He was sitting in it, cupping the bubbles as Derek used the head of the shower to wash Stiles's hair, perched on a stool. 

Friends wasn't even the word to describe their relationship anymore. 

Which was another joke around their neighbourhood and it went around like this; _Derek the paedophile_. 

But Derek didn't mind. Those foul-mouths didn't know any better. 

"Wash your body thoroughly and come out," Derek ordered and stepped out of the bathroom. 

He still had tons of homework to do and since Stiles was going to stay the night, he probably would have to work on an excuse to tell his teachers tomorrow. 

And of course, it can't be about Derek taking care of a boy with this... _difficulty_.

"Jesus. Wipe yourself." He hurled a towel at Stiles when the latter followed right after Derek.

As Stiles dried himself, Derek rummaged through the wardrobe before fishing out a pair of pyjamas for Stiles to wear.   
He had lost count of how many of his clothes Stiles had borrowed and hadn't returned.

  
"Can you put it on me?" Stiles asked. 

Derek sighed heavily and adopted a crouch, holding the pyjama pants in place as Stiles stepped into them. He yanked the pants up before helping Stiles pull the shirt on.

The doorbell shrieked downstairs all of a sudden and Stiles jumped with a start. Derek hurried down to get the door.   
Stiles giggled unnecessarily running behind Derek.

"Oh. Hi, Mrs. McCall," Derek greeted Stiles's neighbour.

"Oh hey, Derek." She was a nurse at the local hospital and a nice one at that.   
She had been the only one taking care of Stiles for as long as Derek could remember. 

  
"I just came by to see if Stiles' fine." 

"I am fine, Milli," Stiles sang, clinging to Derek's arm.

"I can see that, sunny boy." She reached up to ruffle Stiles's wet hair.   
"I guess I could go home then?"

"You should," Derek said. 

"Is he studying well?" 

"Diligently. He's doing really great in Science."

"Wow. That's great. His father is working late again tonight. So, I hope it's not too much trouble."

"Not at all." Derek offered a reassuring smile.

"Alright then. You boys have fun. Oh, and here's Stiles's school uniform." She handed Derek the folded and pressed clothes. 

Once Derek had closed the door, Stiles leaned in and kissed Derek's cheek.   
Derek's jaw fell slack a little and Stiles giggled before trying to run away. Derek caught his wrist and Stiles whined, frustrated by the fact that Derek had caught him so fast. 

"Whoa," Derek laughed. "What was that for?"

"You said I'm great in Science."

It was a lie but Derek was willing to lie a shedload of times to make Stiles happy.

"Then tomorrow, I'm gonna tell your dad that you're great in Maths." 

  
Of course, Stiles couldn't understand the gist of Derek's expression but he blushed. 

"Let go," he mumbled, pulling his hand. Derek released it.

"My mom will be back late tonight too. Should we order pizza?"

"Can you make chocolate pudding?"

"No. We have school tomorrow."

"Can you make ice-cream?" 

"I can't." Derek wended his way to the kitchen.

"Can you make anything?" Stiles asked with a disappointed grimace.

"Derek," he called, looking at the kitchen counter.

Derek turned to Stiles and grabbed his waist, lifting him off the ground to help him sit the counter. He placed his hands on the edge of the counter, on either side of Stiles and looked up at him.

"You want milkshake?" 

Stiles nodded his head excitedly. "Strawberry."

"We're out of strawberries. Is vanilla okay?" 

He nodded again and grabbed Derek's face with both hands. 

"My friends asked me if I have a girlfriend." He rubbed Derek's cheekbones with his thumbs and then dropped his hands.

"And what did you say?"

"I do. I have one..." He counted with his fingers. "Two... threeee. Girlfriends." 

Derek knew his * 'girlfriends' all right.   
Those three girls around seven years old who lived around the corner. 

Derek laughed and pulled away from him, heading to the fridge.   
"What did they say?" 

"They laughed like you just did." 

Derek swallowed and pretended to be peeking deeper in the fridge, though the milkshake was right before his eyes.

"I'm sleepy," Stiles murmured. 

"Let's drink this and go to bed."   
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
"I don't like that story," Stiles spat angrily. "It doesn't have a happy ending."

"What? Little Red Riding Hood does have a happy ending, Stiles." 

Stiles yanked their comforter up to his chest. His foot was brushing Derek's ankle.   
"What about the wolf? Bad lumberjack killed him. It's violent."

"Okay. How about this one and we're going to sleep." 

"Okay. Make it a happy one."

"Hm. Alright. Once upon a time, there lived a Stiles." 

Stiles giggled. "And a Derek!" 

"Yeah," Derek snickered. "And a Derek."

"He was a Prince!" 

"Will you be his Princess then?" 

"What? I can't be a Princess." Stiles laughed like Derek was sounding absolutely ridiculous.

"So, yeah. Stiles was so beautiful. And kind."

"Then why don't people like him, Derek?" Stiles's tone mellowed sorrowfully then. He almost sounded rational.  
"Why didn't his mother like him?" 

"Because they don't know him like I do. I like you, Stiles." 

"You're my friend. You're supposed to say that." Stiles's fingertip traced the pattern on Derek's tshirt.

"I like you." 

"Me too." 

"You're lying, Stiles."

"I'm stupid, Derek." He scooted closer and tucked his head under Derek's chin.   
Derek froze. 

"Derek is handsome. Stiles is stupid." 

"Shh." Derek wrapped his arms around Stiles's body. 

"I'm happy when I'm around Derek." 

"I'm happy when I'm around Stiles."  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
"It's senior prom for god's sake!" Erica cried when Derek informed his group of friend that he wouldn't be going to prom. 

"She's right. Last year, dude." Jackson punched Derek lightly on his arm. 

Derek still couldn't focus on the conversation.   
In fact, he had been distracted the whole day. It had something to do with the way Stiles had behaved in the morning when Derek was fixing Stiles's neck tie.

Stiles almost leaned in and kissed Derek's mouth but he pulled back before something like that could happen.   
Derek had confessed his feelings last night but he perfectly knew that Stiles wouldn't have taken that seriously.

"Derek," Jackson called and jerked his chin at the gates of the school. 

Derek followed his gaze and found Stiles crouching down, petting a stray cat. 

"Isn't that your nutty friend?"

"Neighbour," Erica corrected. 

"See you guys tomorrow." Derek excused himself and loosened his tie as he approached Stiles.

"Stiles." 

"Hey!" Stiles flashed a Cheshire grin and jolted up.

"What are you doing here?" 

His school was like two kilometres away from Derek's. 

"I wanted to walk home with Derek." 

Derek clenched his fists fiercely when he saw Stiles's blazer stained. 

"What happened?" 

"Oh," Stiles murmured. "I... spilled my food."

"Don't lie, Stiles."

"I'm not lying." 

"Did those kids do this?"

"No. My friends just got mad because of me. It was my fault." 

  
Derek shook his head in disappointment and unbuttoned Stiles's blazer. Stiles let Derek pull the clothing off his shoulders.

"I asked what happened." 

"I told them I don't want to carry their bags." 

"So, they did this." 

"I'm fine." 

Derek noticed his friends staring at him and whispering shit into each other’s ears.   
"C'mon. Let's go home." 

Stiles followed Derek quietly all the way back home. 

"You're mad at me," he said at some point, pouting sadly when Derek stopped to let Stiles catch up to him. 

"No, I'm not. I'm mad at them. You're gonna tell me who those bastards are." 

Stiles reached out and held Derek's hand. 

"Three more people to laugh at Stiles won't hurt much, Derek." 

"Stiles." Derek frowned.

"You are right." Stiles smiled but his eyes were glistening with stubborn tears. "You are my friend and that's enough for me." 

  
Derek fought the urge to hug Stiles in the middle of the road and pulled Stiles's hand to walk forward.   
Stiles halted in his tracks abruptly and stared at an old homeless man, who was clad in tattered rags, sitting on the roadside. 

"Derek," he breathed out and dropped his backpack to the ground before rummaging through it. 

He pulled out the sandwich that Derek had wrapped up for him this morning and walked towards the homeless man. He crouched before him and said, "Here." 

He pressed the sandwich into the man's hands. The homeless man opened his mouth to smile and his teeth were all ruined. Stiles stood up immediately after giving him the sandwich and ran back to Derek.   
He clung onto Derek's blazer and turned his head around to look back at the man.  
"He's scary." 

"Why did you give him your sandwich then?" Derek laughed as they started back home. 

"So that he won't become a hungry wolf."

"Like in Little Red Riding Hood?" 

"Hm-hm."

"You're so easily influenced."

"I've decided," he said suddenly.

"What did you decide?" 

"I will go with Derek when you leave." 

"What? Stiles, that's not possible."

"It is. Stiles will go wherever Derek's going." 

Derek smiled and draped an arm over Stiles's shoulders. "If you could, then I wouldn't mind at all."   
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
"Try it this way," Derek grunted as he tried to teach Stiles multiplication but Stiles was giggling, biting his pencil, completely distracted. 

"Stiles, stop giggled and do your work." 

"Derek."

"What?"

"Stiles have something for Derek." 

He reached down into his backpack and pulled out a piece of paper. 

"Mm." He held out the folded paper. "Don't read now. Read it in the bathroom when I'm not watching." 

"God..." Derek smirked. "Then I'm going to the toilet now." 

"No! Not now!"

"Okay, okay." Derek set the paper aside. “So bossy.” 

  
And later that evening, once Stiles had bathed, this time on his own, and pulled on Derek's oversized shirt that reached to his thighs without his pants on, he perched on the edge of the bed.

"Don't touch it, Stiles," Derek warned him. 

Stiles had this habit of fiddling with Derek's phone and he had already broken two before.

Stiles smirked and poked the phone which was on the bedside table with one finger and withdrew his hand immediately. 

"Stiles, seriously. Don't."

He reached out and touched the phone with one finger again before retrieving it again.  
"Hehehe." 

Derek rolled his eyes. "Do whatever you want." 

He stepped into the bathroom. He leaned against the sink counter and unfolded the paper that Stiles had given him earlier.   
There were colourful scribblings of flowers and hearts all over the paper. 

' _Stiles ♡ Derek_ ' was written in pink and purple in the middle of the paper. 

Derek wasn't sure what he was happier about. Stiles's confession or the fact that Stiles had spelled their names correctly.   
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
"Stiles?" Derek stepped out of the bathroom after taking a brief, cold shower. 

Stiles looked up at Derek with puppy eyes. He was holding Derek's phone in his hands.

"I broke it," Stiles mumbled sadly, jutting out his lower lip. 

Derek rolled his eyes and walked over to him before snatching the phone from Stiles.

"It's just locked." He plumped down on the bed at Stiles's side.

"What is that?" Stiles pointed at Derek's t-shirt.

"It's a logo. Coldplay." 

"Oh." Stiles obviously didn't understand but he didn't ask anything more. 

"Stiles," Derek called, gripping on the edge of the bed. "I... read your letter."

_It wasn't exactly a letter but yeah._

"No." Stiles frowned and looked away embarrassedly, blushing. 

Derek held Stiles's jaw and turned his face to meet his eyes. Stiles refused to look up at Derek and kept gaze low. 

  
"It was beautiful."

"Really?" His lips begin to stretch into a faint grin.   
"Derek likes it?" 

Derek nodded and smiled back. 

"But..."

"Now Derek can have all of my buttons," Stiles giggled. 

"No, Stiles." He cupped Stiles's face and brushed his hair at the side of his head.   
"I... am..."

Stiles cocked his head and waited for Derek to continue.  
Derek sucked in a deep breath. 

"I am...... a zombie!"

"No!" Stiles screeched and burst out laughing. 

"Oh yes, I am!" Derek lifted his arms and made a bellowing noise, trying to imitate a zombie.

"Noooooo!" Stiles shot up from the bed.

"I want to eat your braaaaaain!" 

Stiles guffawed and bolted out of the room before Derek went after him, making monstrous noises. 

"Not my brain!" Stiles cried while giggling, hopping down the stairs.

"Braaaaaainsss." Derek caught up to Stiles.

Stiles sprinted into the living room and screamed when Derek caught hold of his arm. 

He shoved Derek back before tumbling over the couch with his legs dangling over the armrest. He giggled at the top of his lungs as Derek crawled on top of him, trapping Stiles under him.   
Stiles dug his nails into Derek's chest over the fabric of the t-shirt. 

"I got no brain, Derek." he snickered and Derek's smile faltered. 

"Don't say things like that," Derek chided. 

"Get off me!" Stiles pounded his fists on Derek's chest when Derek sat on his stomach. 

"Now, tell me what was that letter all about."

Stiles quieted, pursing his lips, and he slipped his hands down Derek's abdomen. 

"Eii dunno," he whispered, tugging at the hem of Derek's t-shirt. 

Derek leaned down and cupped the sides of Stiles’s face in his hands.  
Stiles gazed straight into Derek's eyes. 

_His body processed like an adult, did it not? He might not understand but he still had hormones and stuff_. 

"Stiles loves Derek?" Derek asked in a breathy whisper.

Stiles chewed on his bottom lip before nodding his head twice. 

"Soooo much," he breathed out. 

"How much?" Derek smirked. "How long have you been loving me? Is this new or have you had this crush on me forever?" 

Stiles blushed so red and started prodding his fingers into Derek's abs under the t-shirt. 

"Derek... loves Stiles?" 

"Sooooo much," Derek whispered and bowed his head closer until their lips were only inches apart.

"Derek want to kiss Stiles?" He was no longer looking at Derek's eyes but everywhere else. 

"Can I?" Derek asked. 

Stiles clenched his eyes tightly. Derek smiled but his heart hurt so badly.   
He brushed his lips on Stiles's and pulled back to see Stiles's reaction.  
Stiles looked calm. 

Derek let their lips meet once more, this time with a little firmer. His tongue darted out and the tip grazed Stiles's bottom lip.   
Very gently, he sucked on the lip, leaving it red and tender, he kissed it again.

Derek's lips traced Stiles's jawline before placing a chaste kiss on his chin and claimed his lips back. 

Stiles wasn't reacting at all and for an instant, Derek wondered if he had fallen asleep. But then Stiles whimpered softly when Derek's hand brushed his thigh, pulling the baggy shirt up.

Stiles brought his knees up and Derek caressed Stiles's rear along the curve, lips still lingering on Stiles's. 

Stiles's hands crept up Derek's t-shirt and his palms burned on his abdomen. Derek broke the kiss and got off Stiles abruptly, fighting for breath. 

_This was more than enough. Stiles had given him just about so much._

  
"You should go to sleep," Derek said, flushed. 

Stiles sat up, smiling to himself. 

"Okie," Stiles mumbled and touched his lips with his fingers, still grinning like an idiot. 

He reclined back down on the couch. "Stiles, march upstairs."

"Hm-mh." Stiles shook his head once and made himself comfortable on the couch. 

Derek swallowed, staring at Stiles, who was half-naked. "My mom will kill me if he finds you like this here." 

Stiles closed eyes, ignoring Derek.

"Stiles, I still have homework to do." 

"Good night, Derek." 

Derek groaned and went to get his books before returning shortly after. He plumped on the coffee table before the couch and tried to do some Calculus.   
He stared at the numbers and was reminded of the Maths exam from two weeks back. And yesterday, he had gotten the result and of course, he failed. 

Derek, the Mathematician—his nickname in school, had pathetically failed and no one knew why except Derek himself. 

Nevertheless, he spent the hour doing his Calculus and when he was finally done, he glanced over at Stiles sleeping soundly. 

His mom would be back soon. Derek decided to bear Stiles up to the room.   
He was heavy, yes, but Derek delighted in it. He found everything about Stiles enjoyable. 

  
As if on cue, he heard the front door swing open once he had tucked Stiles in. He hurried back downstairs and caught his mom making her way to the kitchen, dead on her feet.

"Mom," Derek called.

"Hey, baby," she said without looking at Derek. 

"I... have something to tell you," Derek said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Yeah?" 

"Are you hungry? I ordered some Chinese takeout. It's in the fridge. Shall I heat it for you?"

"It's okay. I'm not that hungry." She turned around and faced Derek. "So. What is it about?"

"I... flunked in... Maths." 

Derek's mother sighed. "Why?" 

"It wasn't on purpose." 

"Derek." Her tone changed tautened into a concerned one. "Did something happen?"

  
A lot of things had been happening and Derek didn't tell half of it to his mother. 

"I just... during the exam... You know, headache."

His mother frowned. "Is it… getting worse?" 

"No. Don't worry," he lied. 

He exhaled heavily. Nowadays, his mother was always so exhausted. She had been taking up multiple shifts so that they could save up in order for Derek to undergo the surgery. 

But even Derek knew there was no way his mother could rake up that amount of money without selling her kidney or something, which his mother definitely would if it came down to that. 

  
So, Derek came up with a little white lie. That he was getting better. The rest of it couldn't be considered as lies.   
He just didn't tell anything to anyone anymore, not even the doctors.   
He missed the hospital appointments on purpose and never told his mother, who was always busy at work.

When the time came, Derek knew what he should do. 

A bundle of nerves. In his brain. Ready to burst at any time. 

  
"You should get some rest," Derek told his mother.

"You should too," his mother sighed. "Is Stiles here?"

"Yeah. He's sleeping." 

"Go to bed then."

"All right. Good night, mom."

"Good night."

He liked it better this way. His mother wasn't so stressed as she was before. Unless they were preparing for the surgery, the hospital appointments were useless anyway.   
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
"This is. So... Difficult!" Stiles growled, struggling with the tie. 

"Come here." Derek adjusted the tie and his collars while Stiles beamed from ear to ear. 

"Why are you smiling like that?" 

"Can we walk back home together today?" 

Derek didn't reply and grabbed his bag before heading downstairs.

They walked together to Derek's school and Derek didn't even say goodbye as Stiles drifted away to his own school. 

What could he say? 

Stiles seemed too happy about them being together. The truth was, Derek was too. Only that he wasn't sure when the bomb would go off.

Just like the day before, Stiles was waiting for Derek outside the school under the scorching afternoon sun. 

  
This was a thing Derek hated about Stiles. He didn't care about anything, he would wait for Derek under any situation, at any ungodly hour. 

Just like four years back during Christmas holidays. Derek had asked Stiles to wait for him outside a CD store and had completely forgotten about him.   
He went back to the CD store to get Stiles after three or four hours and Stiles was still waiting, in the cold.   
It could have been because Stiles didn't know how to get home on his own. 

  
"Derek!" Stiles chimed as Derek approached him. "My teacher gave me so much work today!"

"Hm." 

Derek started walking and Stiles tagged along like a puppy. "My bag's so heavy." 

Derek pulled Stiles's backpack off his shoulders and carried it for him all the way back home while Stiles sang nursery rhymes which he had been learning for seventeen years. 

"Go home, Stiles," Derek said. "I'll see you later."

"Can you come home with me?" 

"Not now." 

"Then when? Pleaseee." 

"I said not now!" Derek snapped and Stiles flinched back, eyes filled with horror. 

"Go home for fuck's sake," he mumbled and stomped into his house before slamming the door shut at Stiles's face.   
He heard Stiles kick the door and Derek broke into a sob.   
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
This was wrong. 

All this while, Derek hadn't thought about how Stiles would deal with the consequences. 

He liked Stiles a tad too much to even imagine him in a tough spot like that. It wasn't like Derek was going to die tomorrow itself, but one day he might _and what would happen to Stiles then?_

"Hi, Mrs. McCall. Where's Stiles?" Derek asked the nurse.

"Oh. He's in his room but he told me to not to let you in and feed you to the 'big bad wolf'," she   
said, frowning confusedly. 

Derek laughed despite himself. "Can you tell him that I said I'm sorry and ask him to come by later?" 

"I will." She smiled and closed the door. 

  
By the next minute, Stiles was standing at Derek's doorstep. 

"Took you long enough," Derek said, leaning against the doorframe, smirking. 

Stiles was scowling with his plushie in one hand. He dug into his pocket and fished something out. 

He held the buttons out on his palm, still glaring. "I gave it to Derek."

"Are you going to come in?"

"You will yell at me and scold me."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't in the mood earlier." 

He grabbed the buttons from Stiles's hand before hauling him into the house. 

"I was beating you," Stiles said.

"Me? Oh. You mean your plushie." 

  
Stiles had a plushie named after Derek and whenever Derek argued with him or made him mad, he used to punish the plushie. 

He even drowned the plushie once in a basin full of water when Derek rebuked him for drawing in his school's notebook and then he had cried because his plushie had drowned.

  
"Yes. Derek must be punished." He scowled and then smiled. 

"Why not beat me now?" Derek raised Stiles's hand to his chest and hit himself with Stiles's hand. 

"No!" Stiles yanked his hand back. "Stiles love Derek."   
He threw his arms around Derek and hugged him. 

Derek grinned, wrapping his arms around Stiles's lean body.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
"It's not so bad," Derek answered when Stiles asked him if college was bad.

"You know, just tough." 

"You are going to college." Stiles smiled, gazing out the window at the starry night sky.  
"Stiles can't." 

"Who told you that? Of course, you will."

"Stiles is stupid, Derek." 

He was still smiling. He leaned his head onto Derek's shoulder and hummed a familiar tune. 

"You are the most brilliant person I know." 

"Derek is handsome." 

"That is right."

Derek loved moments like this, though. It was so peaceful. In the dark room, it was just them, gazing out the window, sitting comfortably on the bed.   
They used to do this every night when they were children but back then, Derek was childish as well.

  
"Sleepy," Stiles muttered and lied down. 

Derek scooted to take his place beside Stiles and hurled the plushie down, which was laying between the pillows.

"Derek!" Stiles screeched and slapped Derek on his chest. 

Derek was uncertain if he was crying after the plushie or screaming at him.  
He crawled off the bed and grabbed back his plushie before returning to the bed. He kicked Derek's ankle and lied down. 

Derek chuckled, shaking his head and pulled Stiles close until their chests were pressed together. 

"Sleep before I kiss you." 

Stiles immediately closed his eyes. Derek pecked on Stiles's lips and kissed his forehead.   
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
It wasn't the same pain. It was no longer the same amount. 

Derek jolted up, gritting his teeth, wanting to bite his tongue off. At least that pain would be bearable. 

Stiles was still sleeping at his side as he stumbled off the bed and fell to the floor.

It felt as though the veins on his temples were about to explode from the pounding as he hurried to the bathroom. He wished that the nerves would just fucking burst already. 

Tears rolled down his cheeks unchecked as he ripped the cupboard open in the bathroom and fumbled around for the painkillers.  
A couple of bottles spilled out and his head pounded harder. He clenched his teeth and groaned, crying ferociously. 

He wanted to throw his guts up but couldn't. He could barely blink his eyes. 

Once he had found the painkillers, he popped the pills into his mouth and swilled the water straight from the tap. Derek couldn't think of anything but the brain-numbing pain. He needed it to stop. 

To stop forever. 

He grabbed the sleeping pill bottle and swallowed down countless more pills. Then another bottle which he didn't know what the contents were. 

He just swallowed all the pills he could get his hands on. He then sank on the bathroom's floor, holding his head in his arms, and groaning heavily.

  
"Please, please, please," he cried. "Kill me already!" 

He reached up for the sleeping pills and took in another huge dosage. He knew it would be one of these days but not this soon though. 

After some minutes, the headache subdued a little. Or Derek might have become immune to it just like always. 

He stood back up and stepped out of the bathroom only to find Stiles sitting up, wearing a horrified face. 

Derek ground his teeth, trying to remain calm. He prayed that the pills would kick in fast. 

"Why… are you up?" he asked in a coarse voice. 

"I had a nightmare," Stiles replied quietly, rubbing his eye on the back of his hand. 

Derek slid back into bed and pulled Stiles to lie down in his arms. 

"It's okay. Learn to fight your nightmares, Stiles."   
Derek kissed the top of Stiles's head. "Don't be scared." 

"I am not scared when Derek is here." Stiles nuzzled his nose into Derek's neck. 

Derek's head continued to throb, as though someone was pounding it with a hammer on the inside, and he hoped that this would all be over in a while.

  
"Stiles...?" 

"Hm?" "Promise me that you won't follow me where I go."

"What? Why?"

"Just promise me that or I will… eat your nose."

"No. Don't eat my nose! But... Stiles want to go with Derek to college." 

Derek sighed. "Perhaps in another life." 

He drew back to take a good look at Stiles's face. "Thank you for your buttons." 

Stiles smiled. "You are welcome." 

Derek brought Stiles's hand to his lips and kissed his palm. "Don't be mad at me, okay?"

"Why?" Stiles frowned. 

Derek just smiled and hugged him again. "Sleep."

  
_Perhaps in another life..._  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
It was always nice to wake up next to Derek in the morning. He was always so warm and that was one of the main reasons Stiles liked sleeping with him. 

But today, that warmth was gone, replaced by coldness. 

* _How would Stiles describe Derek?_ One word, _handsome._

He had learned and understood the meaning of this word a couple of years back.   
Ever since, he concluded that Derek was the only handsome man in his life.   
Both in and out. 

  
Just several weeks back, Stiles's English teacher had asked him to stand up in class and talk about his hero.

Of course, not being able to understand the term right, he questioned the teacher _what a hero was_ and the whole classroom laughed. 

But after the teacher had explained, he comprehended that it was someone he admired. 

Another roar of laughter wove in the classroom when Stiles said that he admired his neighbour the most in this world. 

And when the teacher asked why, he replied simply because Derek let him borrow his shoes and washed his hair, which rendered his classmates breathless of laughing. 

Stiles was happy though that his answer was able to make the others laugh.

But that was when Stiles realized that he did admire Derek and Derek was his hero. 

  
There were also times when Stiles hated Derek. 

For instance, when Derek scolded him for picking up shards of broken glass from the road.  
They seemed pretty but Derek said that glass was dangerous and harmful. 

Or like the other time when Stiles wandered away in the bookstore behind a puppy and it's owner. 

Derek grabbed his arm harshly and snapped at him but Stiles had gotten angry and said that the puppy was cute.   
He had punished his plushie Derek as soon as he came home that day. 

  
And there were moments when he totally knew Derek was handsome. 

Like when Derek saved him from a vicious stray chihuahua the other day.   
It was barking relentlessly and just wouldn't let Stiles pass. Vicious thing. 

Derek shooed it away like a hero and Stiles thought he was handsome then. 

And when Derek gave Stiles half of his chocolate milk, Stiles was happy and Derek appeared to be handsome then too. 

"Can I have that one?" Stiles had asked, pointing at Derek's vanilla ice-cream. 

Derek sighed but gave Stiles his, exchanging it with Stiles's chocolate ice-cream. 

When Stiles had finished the vanilla, he kept staring at Derek's chocolate ice-cream cone. Sighing again, Derek handed the cone to Stiles and let him finish it off. 

Even then, Derek was handsome for Stiles. 

All the warmth was gone in an instant. 

The alarm clock cawed cacophonously and Stiles mumbled in his sleep angrily before getting up. He turned the alarm off and rubbed his eyes, looking over at Derek, who was still sound asleep.

"Derek," he whined, wanting to go back to sleep. 

Normally, Derek would be the one to wake Stiles up. But today, he was still sleeping. 

"Dereeek," he mewled and shook Derek's chest. "We will be late for school." 

  
Derek didn't wake up. 

  
Stiles pouted, sticking his lower lip out. 

"Okay. No need to go to school," Stiles said and laid his head on Derek's cold chest.

For hours, Stiles slept on Derek's chest. 

Then Derek's mother sauntered into the room and everything turned too loud for Stiles suddenly. 

Derek's mother was sobbing and Stiles was standing awkwardly in a corner, staring in bewilderment at the mother cradling Derek's body in her arms, weeping heavily.

"He's sleeping, Mrs. Hale," Stiles muttered, scowling. "Don't disturb him."

Derek's mother glanced up at Stiles with red and watery eyes.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.   
Stiles didn't grow up. 

  
He was still friends with Derek. 

Only that Derek's grave couldn't talk back to him.

  
"My dad said I can go wherever I want if I score well in my next exam," Stiles said, sprawled before Derek's gravestone. 

This was what he did every day after school; spend time with Derek. 

It took Stiles about two years to actually understand that Derek was really dead like his mother. 

"I will do well, Derek," he said smiling and sat up from the grass.

"Then Stiles is going with youuu!" he chimed excitedly. "Wait okay?..." 

He placed the two blue buttons before the gravestone on the grass and then picked them up again.   
He held it to his chest and grinned. 

He didn't even get to go to Derek's funeral because he was not allowed to.

  
"Stiles love Derek," he whispered and brushed his fingers on the gravestone.

"Derek love Stiles." 

  
_"Sooooo much, Stiles..."_

**Author's Note:**

> Here's some candies 🍭🍫🍬


End file.
